Advantage to Becoming an Evolved Man: Interview with Charles J. Orlando, Author of The Problem with Women is Men

Interviewed by Eric J. Leech


Charles J. Orlando is what you’d call a relationship expert and social inspirationalist. However, where you have most likely heard of him is through his acclaimed relationship book series, The Problem with Women… is Men. Before you get your boxers in a bunch, you should know that Charles does not actually think that men are always the Ogre in every bad relationship. In fact, as long as a man is honest with what he wants from the start, it’s pretty much anything goes, as far as Charles is concerned.

After going deep undercover on, Charles came away with an understanding of what men do that really ticks women off. Now, I’ve read all that mumbo-jumbo in Cosmo, Oprah, and Elle, and quite frankly; I can’t understand what all the fuss is about. Yeah, we don’t always lift the seat; we don’t listen to every word you say (just the ones we like- sex, beer, sleep, etc.), and if we’re tired after sex, damn it, we just might roll over and go to sleep. This is why we couldn’t wait to get some straight answers from a guy… who, well, understands what it’s like to be a guy.

Let’s find out the advantages of becoming an ‘evolved man’. What would you say is the problem with men who are on adult dating websites with the soul purpose to get laid?

Charles Orlando: There is nothing wrong with that, provided that they are honest about it. There is nothing wrong with those relationships as long as everyone is playing by the same rules. The problem occurs when these are married men whose wives do not know. The second problem is that men do not necessarily make their intentions clear. Third, when you put up a picture of your junk, and there is nothing else with it, this is not seductive to a woman. From your experience, which type of guys gets the most women?

CO: The guy who comes across as the most mysterious and challenging, and who is not emotionally available, is guaranteed to get lots of girls under the age of 25 who have never been married. That same guy will not have much luck with a woman who is over the age of 30 or 35, and has been married. This is because they know that guy. Those same men have nothing to offer a woman who is looking for anything long-term. That is really the problem with dating boot camps. They teach men with low self-esteem how to bring a woman down to their level. From there, they are able to even the playing field and sleep with them. Once these girls become their girlfriend, these men have no skills to have a successful relationship. They know how to meet and bang them, but they don’t know how to keep them. That girl will end up getting her self-esteem shattered, and will think all guys are assholes. You talk a lot about the “evolved man.” How would you define an evolved man, and how is he different from the guy mentioned above?

CO: Women are social creatures. They are community driven, whereas men are not. We are problem solvers; we hunt shit down and kill it. This is not what modern-day relationships are. Modern day relationships have some level of intimacy, so unless you roll that way, you are not going to find success. For the guys who are in a good place. In other words, they have done a lot of growth to better themselves; these are the guys who will maintain a long-term relationship. These are also the guys who may get ripped by the girls who have been hurt in the past. Are men always the problem, as the title of your book may lead some to think, or are there women men should avoid?

CO: Women are settling for second best, encouraging, and many times enabling all this crappy behavior from men. What I ask, is for women to stop shoveling for it, and men to bring something better to the table. On the other hand, there are plenty of women who have negative traits. There are three women, in particular, that men should look out for. One, women who run hot and cold. These women don’t have their priorities in order, and should be avoided at all costs. Nothing you do will make them run more hot. They have their own stuff going on, and need to solve that for themselves. Two, women who are always after the challenge. They only love you when you treat them like shit. They also need to work on themselves, or this is never going to change. Three, women who are clingy. These women are actually trying to find self-validation in you, which is why they hold on so tight. They are just a shell of a person. You don’t want that. Do you think some men need to “sew their oats” before becoming evolved? Do you recommend this?

CO: It is up to the individual. Let’s face it. Sex is fun. There is nothing wrong with experiencing life. The problem happens when you decide that you want to settle down, and then you change your mind, but don’t inform your partner. It doesn’t matter if you sew your oats at 20, 40, or 80. The problem is the communication with the person that you are with. Everybody needs to come into a relationship with their expectations clear. Men don’t want to be honest because they don’t think they’re going to get laid that way. That’s bullshit. There are plenty of women who are just down to have a good time. Be honest and straight. Don’t lead them on. What are a few of your best tips that you would give a guy who is looking to be successful on dating websites?

CO: Be honest and be straight, but also have your expectations in check. There is nothing wrong with dating sites. However, don’t get caught up in this whole, I want to be in a relationship, thing. Just meet people and see how it goes. Stop trying to force feed yourself romance. Just introduce yourself and see what happens. Relax. Stop putting all this pressure on yourself. Is there anything that we have not talked about that you think is important to mention to our readers?

CO: I’ll give you two last pieces of advice. Be careful what you wish for. There are so many men who say they want a girl with whom they can play video games, watch football, drink a beer, and hang out with. I would like to remind those men, that they have just described how they would spend time with another man. While some of these activities can be shared, there is going to be a meeting of the genders that has to take place. The other thing is, I think I am the only relationship expert who says communication is not the cornerstone of a successful relationship. Communication for many people, means hanging out and waiting for your turn to speak. Whereas, what a successful relationship needs, is active listening and empathy. You don’t have to agree. You just have to listen to what the person is saying, and internalize it.


Still have questions?


Charles has been working directly and indirectly with thousands of men and women via his Facebook page and Facebook advice column, “Ask Charles”. For real-world, relationship advice and guidance when it comes to the common everyday problems of men and women, Charles is our go-to guy.


Thanks again, Charles.

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